If I could write you a handwritten letter,

it will go like this.

8:30pm.

You gave me a kiss while I hugged you, wishing the minute could last a little longer.

I drove away, honking at your friend’s car twice. Our way of saying goodbye, or hello. That was the last sound left of the evening.

A few hours earlier the drive had been full of life. Now fragments of it lingered. Your childlike giggle over a rice dog fresh from the store, cheese pulled out with your teeth, your eyes glinting bright while you looked at me. Now just a memory.

How fast time goes.

***

9:32pm.

I finished the dishes, fed the cats, cleaned the litter box. Chores I’d usually complain about after a long day of work, while you helped me pick them up. Tonight I did them all by myself, without a single word.

This whole week I’ve been living with you for the first time, with both of us in the house every night. It’s the first time I’ve spent every single evening with you.

For most of those nights, I was exhausted. I was impatient. I was overstimulated. I would get mad at you over things that didn’t go my way, even when you were trying to help, like doing the dishes but not unloading them the way I wanted. I felt overwhelmed, bit by bit, by those nit-picky things stacking up.

We had a lot of those hard moments, but also a lot of fun ones. Like belting Put Your Records On and Unwritten in the shower at 10pm. Or laughing our asses off in bed after someone said something stupid. There was good woven in with the bad, but I only saw the bad. While you were grounded enough to see both.

Now you just left for a rotation in a different city. Away for two weeks.

The second you were gone, the entire world went quiet. I was uncomfortable with the silence. I felt alone, for the first time in a while.

But I have all this time to myself now! Time to do things I haven’t done while you were around. Like playing Hogwarts Legacy almost every night! Like watching movies and shows you don’t like! All the reasons I should be glad about this. Instead I just feel sad. I feel like a piece of myself is missing.

Now moments feel unlived without you. Like eating a really, really good meal with no one to share it with. Like watching Mun do a flip in the air for her toy, but you aren't here to witness it too. Like cuddling with Luna, her little legs sprawling freely across your side of the bed.

***

10:09pm.

I’m writing this with a soft love songs playlist on. It hasn’t even been a full day yet and I’m already missing you. Have I been too deep in work, too busy, to actually notice you were there? I’m just finally getting used to living with you, and you’re gone again.

I know what you would say. You’d say something along the lines of “Two weeks will fly by just like that, and we’ll see each other again!” or “It’s okay baby, I’ll be home before you know it.” I need that optimism in my life. You are the sunshine I need to balance my blue hues.

Please be home soon. I’ll be anxiously waiting.

Much love,

S <3