Itās 2am, and although I vow to never drink caffeine after 3pm because it wrecks my sleep, I have a matcha in hand. Iām only on my fourteenth lecture slide out of seventy. It feels like everythingāfrom Cyathostomins, Strongyloides, to Ascarids āhas blurred into one big mess, all sharing the same hosts, the same infective stages, the same life cycle. My brain, at this point, cannot tell the difference.
Then my phone lights up. A meme from my brother, who is probably strapped to a desk at McMaster University (JHE or Thode library, specifically), also awake, also behind, and convinced this next exam will finally break him. We talk about school constantly, but weāve never talked about it being a problem.
Heās a third-year in Electrical Engineering, so school is doing him some critical damage, too (probably even worse than the hits he took in League of Legends). Even when school is the only thing on his plate, he still lets it take over his entire headspace, looming like a giant dark cloud of anxiety and frustration, threatening to burst at any moment. Weāve both been thereāstaring at our grades and feeling like we could have done better, yet everything we try still lands us at a less-than-ideal average. Is it because we set the bar too high, putting too much weight on our grades? Or are we wasting time dreading the doom, when that same precious time could be spent outdoors, refreshing our minds, moving our bodies, and recharging ourselves so that our actual study time could be more efficient?
I think my brother and I share the ālost-in-the-sauceā genes, where we let whatever is in front of us slowly consume everything. We fixate on it, making it bigger and more threatening day by day, until we forget there was ever anything else. And then we wonder why weāre so exhausted.
If three of my personal life aspects walk into a bar (call it the S-tiered trio): Sleep, Social Life, and Schoolāthe bartender would say, āSorry, we only serve two of you at a time. Actually, itās April, so only one of you can stay.ā And we all know whoās staying until 3am, drowning in caffeine and her own tears.
But fortunately, not all veterinary students share this self-destructive mentality (and if you donāt, consider yourself lucky for already having life figured out. Kudos!). I really admire one of my classmates, Chang, for it. After a tough exam, we talked about our plans for the rest of the day. Mine was to go home and nap. His was to go to the gym. He mentioned he had been gymming every single day and sleeping nine hours every night. When I asked him how he found time to study for exams, he said, "I just study whatever I get to, and whatever I can." That stuck with me. School simply cannot matter more to him than his health. I now picture Chang with a full glowing halo around his body. Bro is 25 and has already reached enlightenment.
To be completely honest, Iām still struggling to balance and prioritize my health over school. So many questions, so many fears. Can I get things done if I stop studying when Iām tired? What if I only dedicate one hour instead of three? Will I still remember what I need to? Or am I not studying effectively and losing 40% of my time to doomscrolling and distractions?
The deeper issue, though, is that I often tie my self-worth to my grades. In first year, vet school was all exciting and new. I was eager to learn about anatomy, surgery, and how to physically examine animals. In second year, things quickly ramped up. Courses got heavier, with names that were hard to remember and even harder to pronounce (remember Levetiracetam?). I started seeing 70s and 60s and got so negative, so wound up in those marks. I spent my entire second year just trying to keep my average from dropping (I was taking it so seriously that it actually got a tiny bit better than first year. Progress, I guess?).
Then third year came, and I was just tired. Tired of that mentality, of associating my identity with a number on a screen. So I made a conscious decision to let go. Instead of getting upset over every mark or obsessing over every fine detail in the material, I spent time focusing on my mental health. I journaled, wrote, played music, and spent lots of quality time with family, friends, and myself. It truly helped.
But I still canāt get the physical health right! I still canāt push myself to go to the gym, or to sleep before midnight, or to consistently get eight hours. Weāre almost halfway through 2026, and Iām still not hitting 2 out of 3 of my New Yearās health resolutions (I did manage 1 out of 3, which was to be more reflective and look inward rather than outward. More on that another day).
At least now, with every minor inconvenience, Iāve learned to bring myself back down instead of having a full meltdown (breakdance over breakdown, amirite?). I look at life a little happier and lighter than I did in 2025 (it was a struggle year). I smile more at the little things. Maybe I shouldnāt be so hard on myself. Maybe I should just give myself a pat on the back for climbing out of the hole that 2025 dug. Congratulations: you are still alive, a bit more yourself, and positively, slightly perkier.
Either way, this next chapter looks completely different from anything before it. Lectures are done, proctored exams are done, and late-night cramming is hopefully done too. The one exam that matters right now is the NAVLE. Most of my days from here on out will be spent in clinics, working with real animals and real people, applying what actually matters after three years of vet school. And itās definitely not what kind of teeth a crocodile has (I apologize to my Comparative Anatomy professor, whom I truly adore).
Nervous? Absolutely.
Excited? More than I know how to say.
Whether Iāve finally left the grade-chasing behind, or just traded it for a different kind of dread? I guess weāll find out.
Three years of vet school are no small thing ā the material, the cost, the identity you build around it. I attended SGU for three years. In the final year and a half, I developed serious back problems while living in a country where only pain medication was available. Without an elevator, I had to climb four flights of stairs to all of my exams. During my last semester, I faced eight finals. Despite submitting medical documentation, I received two D's and was forced to withdraw, just one week before I was supposed to move on to my clinical year at LSU. I had three externships arranged at SeaWorld, Denver Zoo, and the Audubon Institute in New Orleans. My appeal was denied with the same efficiency they'd shown in taking my tuition. I was devastated and heartbroken.
Pulling myself back up from that experience has been one of the hardest things I've done, especially given the cost and sacrifice I made during those three years. Still, the journey didn't end there.
What you said about tying self-worth to grades hit close to home. That number on a screen can start to feel like the whole story when you're in it. I eventually found my footing again through fisheries science at UF and started AquaJourney partly to share what it looks like to rebuild after a path you loved closes on you. Wishing you well in clinics ā the NAVLE is just the next step in a journey that's clearly meant something real to you. You got this! Thank you for sharing your story!
Sue, this brought me straight back to OVC.
Some weeks the gym was happening and the laundry was not. Some weeks I was on top of studying and completely off cooking. I was never on top of everything at once and eventually I stopped expecting to be.
Looking around at classmates doing the sports and the social life and somehow still passing everything, I had no idea how they were managing it. I felt an immense amount of pressure to do more but I physically couldnāt (naps were always a priority for me).
What I can tell you is that clinics hit differently. The demands get louder and the margin gets smaller. Making the goals smaller helped. A one hour gym session became a 20 min coffee walk outside with a friend. Still moving, still outside and being with someone who could relate. Habit stacking helped as well because the idea of adding anything new to the list was exhausting, but tagging something small onto something already happening was manageable.
Keep one thing a week that is yours and is non-negotiable. Vet school will take everything you give it. Be gentle to yourself during this season. You are so close to the end now and have accomplished so much already.